On Running and Enough

In May of 2009 a College Humor web comedian posted a mention of the book “The Non-Runner’s Guide to Marathon Running,” and as I sat there, fat (realized it in January and had already begun working on it!) and depressed (no summer job yet, ended up with an internship) something clicked in me and I decided that was the challenge I had to do.

Shortly after returning to college that summer I came out of the closet. I frequently joked that it’s hard to hide from yourself when you’re running alone for several hours. That November I ran my first marathon in Indianapolis and since then I’ve run fourteen more in Chicago, Wisconsin, Pittsburgh, Las Vegas, and San Francisco.

So fifteen marathons, countless more half-marathons, 5ks, 10ks, and whatever odd distance race directors could find. What’s the issue? In 2024 I attempted two marathons and even though I successfully trained for both, I DNFed both. Since then, I haven’t been able to get into a training groove again.

Now this ties into the concept of having enough. I keep trying to get back into consistent training schedules, and I’m registered for the Chicago Marathon in October. I’m a month out of real training for it and I’ve begun to question if I even want to.

Why did I sign up for the marathons that I failed to run? Because I’ve been running for the last fifteen years, when I don’t run I get fat.

So what’s driving me to keep trying to restart running when I keep getting nagging aches and pains?

Well I want to prove to myself I can do it again.

But see, that’s the issue. I’ve done it 15 times. Isn’t that enough?

So if I continue to run, I do finish marathon sixteen and it doesn’t end up being some sisyphean number I’m chasing, what then? Just keep going? How do I plan an end game to running outside of complete injury or death? When will I be happy running just for run and that I’ve done enough? If I can imagine Sisyphus happy in his task, when can I imagine that for myself?

Believe me, this isn’t a corny retirement from my average running speeds post or anything. This is just me thinking out loud on the computer instead of my notebook. I’m sure more thoughts are to come.

Until then, marathon sixteen slated for this October.